um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
