I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
