bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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