I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
