the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
