You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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