you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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