I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
3pm strippers are depressing
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My vagina is very pro this idea
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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