ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
