I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Congratulations! We have a period
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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