we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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