she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
