aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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