he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i drank out of a bidet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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