hell yes lets make some ravioli
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
