What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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