I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
