I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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