I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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