I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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