While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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