I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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