I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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