When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
