OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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