Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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