the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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