yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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