He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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