sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
