you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
