She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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