found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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