This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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