this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
