Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
