You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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