we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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