I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
