I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
