Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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