I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
