i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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