ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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