The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
