I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sobbing to NWA
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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