I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
