; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
