his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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