Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
