I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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