break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
