I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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