Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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