The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize