Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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