just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
