I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i drank out of a bidet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
