walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
