It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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