the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize