I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i think im in europe. pls send help
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
