This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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