you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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