tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
