This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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