just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
