At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
