Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
