I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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