haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her vagine was all disorganized.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
